


The litte ABC of embarrassment: A for Automobile Accidents

by Unionjackpillow



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Accident, Embarrassment, Gen, Oneshot, Truth or Dare, cabin pressure summer christmas, summer christmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-25
Updated: 2014-06-25
Packaged: 2018-02-05 08:46:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1812343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unionjackpillow/pseuds/Unionjackpillow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's another long and very boring flight from Hong Kong to Limerick. So Martin, Douglas and Arthur play Truth or Dare. Martin goes first.<br/>"Ok, Martin, what is the most embarrassing accident you've ever had? And don't tell me it was that time you sprained your ankle."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The litte ABC of embarrassment: A for Automobile Accidents

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Glowbug](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glowbug/gifts).



> Happy Summer Christmas! 
> 
> Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own MJN Air, the characters or anything else that is even remotely associated with John Finnemore's brilliant radio comedy show Cabin Pressure. 
> 
> This story is neither brit-picked nor beta-ed. All mistakes are my own.

It was another very long and very, very boring flight from Hong Kong to Limerick. Their client was satisfied with the last delivery of the little box with its valuable content so he had employed MJN once more. This time though Carolyn was happy to stay back in Fitton. Maybe because she wanted to avoid playing charades with Arthur, probably because the man she sometimes happened to be at the same place with had a few days off and, despite earlier assurances to the contrary, mentioned he'd be willing to accompany her on a dog walk.

The flight from Fitton to Hong Kong wasn't boring due to a lot of turbulence, a thunderstorm and GERTI's ground proximity warning playing havoc.

 The return flight however was less action packed than an episode of Don't wait up and not nearly as entertaining. The first order of the day after leaving Hong Kong’s airspace was to stop Arthur singing "Get dressed you merry gentleman" or anything else for that matter.

 "Summer Christmas or not, Arthur, you're not going to sing. No Christmas Carols, nothing." At least this was one thing both pilots could agree upon. Having received this not so brilliant news, Arthur retreated into the cabin to watch a DVD on the recently repaired in flight entertainment-system.

Douglas and Martin on the other hand managed to pass some time by playing several games: Song titles with the words fly or flying in them, won by Douglas with Pink Floyd's "Learning to fly", their own version of WLIIA's "World's worst...., won by Martin to his and Douglas's surprise, film titles with the names of continents in them, won by Douglas with "Nirgendwo in Afrika" as the tie breaker, “Yes Martin, foreign films do count”, and a round of the familiar rhyming journeys, which to no surprise at all was won by Douglas. After a barely edible meal of chicken and rice for Martin and Shepherd's Pie for Douglas, boredom began to set in again.

"Douglas, I am bored. Very, very bored."

"I am sorry to hear that, mon capitaine, what do you suppose I should do to alleviate your boredom?"

"Don't you have an idea for another game?"

"Well, there's always charades with Arthur...." Both pilots looked at each other, grinned and fake shuddered. "Ok Martin, how about some truth or dare?"

"What's the worst that could happen?", Martin thought to himself, "There are no passengers on board and Carolyn's back in Fitton." He looked at Douglas, who obviously was trying to hide his smugness. "Ok, Douglas, truth or dare it is."

"Alright, Martin. Shall we include Arthur in our litte game?"

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea."

*Bing-Bong*

"Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your first officer Douglas Richardson. We are happy to inform you that if your in flight entertainment lacks the verve of a stimulating discussion about the usefulness of blue shells vs. red shells in Mario Kart, you are welcome to join us in the flight deck for a round of truth or dare."

"Douglas, since when do you know anything about Mario Kart?", Martin wondered out loud.

"Martin, do you remember me telling you that I have children?"

Martin nodded.

"Case closed."

Martin rolled his eyes but before he could say anything Arthur entered the flight deck. "Well, Douglas, when you're in first place you really despise blue shells. And when... "

"Yes, Arthur, thank you very much for your thoughts on this topic. But we are not going to discuss Mario Kart. We are here though to play truth or dare. Martin, do you want to start?

"Uh, yes, okay."

"Martin, truth or dare?"

Pondering the possible implications of each choice, Martin finally made his decision: "Truth."

Douglas smiled. "Ok, Martin, what is the most embarrassing accident you've ever had? And don't tell me it was that time you sprained your ankle."

Martin swallowed. Well, it wasn't as if *the* accident he was going to talk about was a secret, but, it was a little embarrassing because of his and his friend’s stupidity. He had told the story once or twice before, it even made it into his school's yearbook, but no one at MJN Air had heard it yet. That was about to change.

"Okay, there was that one time when I, as the driver of my car, managed to get trapped under it, lying in a ditch."

Douglas and Arthur looked at each other and looked at Martin.

"Skip, if it was your car, and your were the driver, how did you...."

"Yes Arthur, I was about to tell you how that happened. And what's with you Douglas? You're awfully quiet."

"Oh Martin, please don't mind me. I am just relishing the thought of having another little story filed away to tease you with when the appropriate occasion arises."

Martin sighed. "Great. Anyway, this happened several years ago when I was in school. We had finished the exams for our A Levels and wanted to have a little party. The location was about 30 miles away from my home in some godforsaken little village. I already had my driver's license, so my friend and I took my mum’s old VW Golf. Unfortunately, we missed a turning...”

"We?" Douglas interrupted Martin's story with a grin.

"Yes, Douglas, WE did. I was driving, but my friend was supposed to help with the navigation. That's what the co-pilot's supposed to do. Not that it has ever mattered to you." Martin huffed slightly irritated.

"Uh chaps," Arthur intervened, "I'd really like to know how this brilliant story goes on, so, I don't know, could you be please let Skip continue without interrupting him?"

"Oh goody, the steward of the aeroplane has spoken. Alright Martin, please continue with your tale of young skipper's adventurous journey into the unknown."

"Thank you, Douglas." Martin sounded only slightly sarcastic. "Was it very difficult for you not to go for the Hobbit pun?"

When Martin mentioned the Hobbit Arthur practically beamed with exuberant happiness while Douglas, for maybe the 4th time in his life, didn't really know what was going on. His distress about this was so evident that even Arthur couldn't miss it.

"Douglas, don't tell me you haven't seen the Hobbit films or read the book. They are BRILLIANT! There's this little Hobbit called Bilbo Baggins and he lives in a...”

"Arthur", Martin interrupted Arthur's retelling of the Hobbit, "I don't think Douglas wants to hear about Bilbo right now. If you don't mind, I'll go with my story. As I was telling you, we missed a turn and had to go back. To do so, we turned into a little dirt road with ditches on both sides and a house somewhere down the road. I started with the U-turn when my friend told me to watch out for the ditches." At this point Martin began to blush a little. "In my defence I have to say that it was quite dark and, and there were no streetlights and I, uh, I wasn't an experienced driver, yeah, so when my friend was finished with his warning, well, the car's front was dangling somewhat down into the ditch."

"Oh Martin!"

"Oh Skip!" Douglas and Arthur simultaneously exclaimed.

"Yes, I know, just my luck. Anyway, I turned the car off, got out of it and went to the front. My friend stayed in the car. You know it's quite easy to push a car on a level surface, so I thought I could push it a little back and then we'd be able to go the party. When I tried to push it back, nothing happened. So I asked my friend to release the handbrake."

"Martin, please tell me you didn't.” Douglas was barely able to keep a straight face. “Tell me you didn't ask your friend to release the handbrake of a car dangling down some ditch while you were standing in front of said car. Dear god, this is even better than I dared hope."

Martin blushed even more. "You, uh, you asked for an embarrassing accident and this is what you get. Can I please finish my story now?"

"Sure, Skip, go on. I really want to know what happens next. This is almost as entertaining as charades."

"In this case, Martin, you must continue immediately."

"Right. So I was standing in front of the car, my friend had released the handbrake and the bloody Golf wasn't moving. I pushed and pushed but the damn thing didn't budge an inch in either direction. Then it hit me. It was still in first gear, so I asked my friend to put it in neutral."

At this point Douglas didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He managed to conceal his emotional mini outburst as a mixture of coughing and hiccupping. Martin looked slightly suspicious at him while Arthur offered some cough drops and asked if he needed water or tea or something else. Douglas declined each offer and asked Martin to continue with his tale of adolescent idiocy, which he did.

"Okay, my friend was still in the passenger seat, so he got out of the car, went to the driver's side, got in and put the car in neutral. In hindsight that was one big mistake."

"Really, Martin?"

"Why?" Once again Douglas and Arthur interrupted the narrative with simultaneous remarks. One of them sounded really sarcastic while the other sounded innocently wondrous.

"Yes, really. And it was a mistake, Arthur, because the moment the task was completed, the car more or less jumped forward onto me, I fell back into the thankfully dry ditch and landed on my back with the car's bonnet trapping my legs under it. Like so." Martin drew a crude picture of himself in the ditch with the car on top of him and showed it to Douglas and Arthur. 

"Oh wow Skip, I didn't know you could draw. You're an artist."

"No, Arthur. He can't draw and he really isn't an artist. Look at the proportions, they're all wrong. His head is bigger than the front wheel and he isn't even wearing his captain's hat."

"Thank you for noticing Douglas. May I now finish?"

"Yes sir, of course you may, I apologize for the short interlude. "

"As if. Anyway. My friend seemed slightly shocked, so I asked him to stop a car on the main road since we clearly needed some help. He refused, said they wouldn't see him because of his dark clothing. Then it occurred to us that there was a house down the dirt road. So he went there to get some help. In the meantime I tried to take inventory. Was I still able to wriggle my toes? Affirmative. Did anything really hurt? Surprisingly not."

"Now stop it, Martin. You're actually trying to tell us that there was a car lying on your legs and it didn't hurt?" Douglas looked more than a little doubtful at Martin.

Not showing that Douglas's doubt hurt him more than the car on his legs did, Martin replied: "Scout's honour, Douglas. It was just a heavy weight, it was some pressure, but it didn't hurt. It lay mostly on my left thigh and my right lower leg. So next thing I know, my friend and a woman came from the house in a car. They connected both cars with a towline. While doing that, a vehicle with to soldiers on their way to the local military base stopped. One of them turned on his torch and looked into the car. I heard him say that there wasn't anybody inside of the car. So I raised my arm, waved my hand and told him that there was someone under the car. I can tell you, the look of surprise on his face was something I would have liked to capture for posterity."

At this point Douglas and Arthur both chuckled, imagining a teenage Martin in the ditch informing the soldier about his location.

"The four of them managed to pull the car out of the ditch, I climbed out, didn't need any help for that once the car was no longer trapping me, and then it went really awkward."

"But Skip, nothing you've told us so far is awkward."

"Bless you, Arthur."

"I didn't sneeze."

Martin and Douglas both groaned.

"A few moments after the car and I were both safe, the fire brigade and the ambulance arrived. They had been alerted by the woman who helped us."

Douglas laughed. Out loud. Arthur on the other hand was very excited to hear about the ambulance and the fire brigade.

"Wow Skip, an ambulance and a fire truck? This is brilliant. Did you get to ride in one of them?"

"Yes Arthur. The paramedics took my friend and me to the local A&E. The really, really embarrassing part of this whole ordeal was that I was asked to tell what had happened several times by the fire brigade and the paramedics. They were, uh, slightly stunned and probably didn't believe their ears when I told it the first time. Or the second time."

Douglas tried to look serious but failed miserably. "Martin, I would have made you tell the story at least 5 times. We know that Arthur can be a clot...."

"Hey," Arthur protested.

Douglas continued: "... but I thought little Martin Crieff would have been more cautious. Yes, this definitely counts as the most embarrassing accident I have ever heard of."

"Did you have to stay in the hospital? With lots of visitors and chocolates and crisps and those beds that can go up and down?"

"Yes Arthur, I had to stay in hospital for a few days. The doctors wanted to make sure there was no permanent damage to my left thigh, and luckily there wasn't. So after about a week and some physical therapy, I was allowed to leave."

"Do you want to play some charades now?"

"NO!"

                                                          

 

\- The End -

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like you to know that the story Martin tells is in no way whatsoever influenced by any real life events that might or might not have happened on a February evening several years back. And most importantly, there is no way that I was one of the people involved in this incident that might or might not have happened.
> 
> And in case anyone was wondering: Yup, that very crude sketch is the epitome of my artistic ability.


End file.
